I read an article the other day that linked spanking to mental illness. Read all about it here.
I'm not sure what to think about this.
I was spanked as a child, and yes, my mental health has been questionable at times. But it's impossible to say if I would have turned out better or worse had I not been spanked. At any rate, this blog isn't about the physical punishment I endured as a child.
It's about the physical punishments I administer to my own children.
Ok. I admit it. I have spanked my children. And I have to say that the results have been less than satisfactory. They still misbehave in the store. They still jump on the furniture. Big brother still torments little brother. They both still defiantly shout "NO!" at me.
So I have to question the effectiveness of spanking as a means of behavior modification.
Maybe it works for some people, but it hasn't worked for me.
The only advice I have gotten from other mothers is that I need to spank them harder, or more often, or hit my children with objects (i.e. belt or paddle).
I can't do it. I'm not here to judge any other parents' discipline methods. Clearly I don't have all the answers. (Have you met my children?) I just don't feel good about spanking my kids.
It all boils down to this- when I stop in the moment when I am about to spank my son, and I really analyze the situation, I realize that my own feelings of anger, frustration, my need to "win"- these feelings are driving me to try to beat (and by beat I mean smacking their backsides with my hand. I never hit them anywhere but on the bottom, and only with my hand) a small child into submission.
And I have to ask myself, "Really? Thats all you've got?"
I feel like a failure when I resort to spanking.
So I don't think I'm going to do it anymore. I want my children to behave (by behave I mean things like use their manners, be respectful, play in a safe way, be kind.. that kind of stuff) because it's the right thing to do, not because they're afraid of what I'll do to them if they don't comply.
Yes, I'm sure I'm being idealistic here. And I do use other disciplinary measures, like time out and a reward system. My kids are pretty awesome most of the time.
But when they aren't, I'm not going to hit them.
I don't want my children to be motivated by fear.
(Now, let's see how long before I have to eat these words!)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
