This is only a test...

I don't know why I take my children to the store. I guess I'm just an incurable optimist.

I've been working with children for most of my adult life. What I've learned is, managing children is a lot like playing chess. A good chess player thinks several moves ahead of his opponent. One would think that an adult, especially one with specialized training in behavior management, would easily be able to outwit two small children.

One would think...

I do pretty well at home. I set up the parameters for all of their activities. I provide them with choices. I use operant conditioning to reinforce positive behavior.  My children are fairly well behaved outside of the occasional tantrum.



But somehow they always get the better of me at the store. Or the restaurant. Public places in general.

I know that it is the nature of children to test boundaries. And I do set boundaries for my children. I do. But I think that my oldest one is learning that I react differently to his behavior at home than I do at the store. I can do and say things at home that I can't do or say at the store lest I be accused of child abuse.

What amazes me is the outrageous things my 4 year old can come up with. I've had the talk with him about playing with his body parts in front of other people. So in the middle of the drug store he sticks his hand down his pants and yells, "I'm playing with my butt, Mommy! I'm playing with my butt in the store, Mommy!"  And of course the unsaid but understood, "What are you going to do about it?"

Just walk away. This is only a test...

I'm learning that sometimes walking away is winning. I am the grown up, after all.

Babyproofing, or 'When did the world become so sharp, pointy, and dangerous?'

The way I see the world has definitely changed since I became a mommy. Whenever I enter a room I immediately scan for hidden dangers. What can my children climb on, fall from, pull down on top of themselves, bump their heads on, or otherwise suffer grievous injuries from. The world is a very dangerous place! Corners are sharp, walls and floors are hard, chairs and tables are precariously unstable. Electricity is everywhere, luring my children with tentacular cords.

As I write this I'm sitting in a doctor's office.





This lamp could kill my baby. Probably it won't, but we don't have table lamps at our house. We don't have tables either, for that matter.

I don't want anyone to get the idea that I'm some neurotic, overprotective crazy woman. Honestly I'm not. But keeping kids safe requires constant vigilance!

With my first child, I bought all that soft foamy stuff to put on all the edges and corners if the world. I put outlet covers on all of the outlets, doorknob covers on all the doors, locks on all the cabinets, and strategically placed baby gates to keep him confined to a particular area. What I found,though, is that my son merely saw all my babyproofing as a challenge, and he promptly destroyed it all. The outlet covers became a game for him. He pulled and chewed the foamy stuff off all of the edges and corners.
I'm finding that with my second son I'm far more relaxed about babyproofing. Our house is fairly safe, and my second son is wily like a fox. He's learning to navigate in a sharp, pointy world, and he's getting pretty good at it. He's a lot more agile and sure-footed than my first child.

Maybe babyproofing turns kids into sissies. I don't know. What I do know is that I have approximately one more year until I can relax (a little).
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What? Why?

I needed a new blog. Back in the day I used to be quite the prolific blogger. Back in the day meaning before kids. I guess every parent's timeline is divided into two eras, before kids and after kids. For me, the difference between the two is striking. If I could use Holland as an example, my pre-kid life was Amsterdam. My post-kid life resembles that other part of Holland with the tulips and windmills and stuff. Very different parts of the same whole.
At any rate, this is a blog about mommy-hood. Not necessarily to document and share all the cute and hilarious things my kids do (I assure you, my kids give me PLENTY of blogging material), but to document and share what mommy-hood is doing to ME. Yes, my kids are freaking adorable, but this blog is about me and my growth and development through parenting.
So basically Mommyology 101 is a class that I'm making up as I go along, and these are my notes.

Welcome to Mommyology 101.